Before I get into this Tot's Mom hit me up with a quick and easy tag. What did I have for Breakfast? Although I know it is the most important meal of the day too often my breakfast is a cup of coffee. If I'm lucky a piece of toast as well. So I like that kind of tag. Quick and easy!

So onto the post....

I've been in this insanely reflective and sentimental mood lately as you can tell from my last post. Today I was thinking about life and how it is soo big and where do we fit in it all? I personally haven't figured out my place yet. I thought that with motherhood I would. Motherhood is the most beautiful and humbling experience I ever had. It's amazing how much creating a life changes your world. I definitely think motherhood is an integral part of my universe but I do believe there is something else besides loving my husband and son there too. I just haven't put my finger on it yet.

One thing I have noticed is that I think sometime after the birth of my son I kinda lost myself a little bit. I'm not sure where she went but Maryanne disappeared. I had an insane time (Still do) dealing with work and the stresses of working and raising a child. I became so disgruntled at my job over the position I was up for being given to someone else less qualified, I just became so angry and it seems the only person able to get that anger out of me was my son. However even though it would melt away when I was with him it always came back. Sunday nights I would feel the dread coming knowing I had to go to the office on Monday. I actually wonder if maybe I had some depression because I never in my life had experienced such massive emotions and mood swings. I never talked to anyone about it except my husband because I was so embarrassed but hey it's much easier to type with a glass of wine then talk to someone But I figure someone out there has had to have experienced something similar!

So I'm rambling a bit ... but anyway lately it seems like it has started to level off a bit. I'm not really sure what changed but I'm starting to feel more even. I'm starting to feel like I can actually handle it, working, motherhood, maybe even another kid. I've had a few good days a work. I helped fix a major problem in one of our systems so maybe I am still riding that accomplishment. Who knows where the sudden shift has come from but I'll welcome it for now. My sense of humor has started to come back and I have even had people office comment on my smile lately. Hey! Thats kinda nice - to be noticed. Maybe I will try to start smiling again. Maybe you guys will get to see some funny posts!

Smiling really does cause a ripple effect and I am going to try to do it more often.
So my tag to everyone reading this is to Pass a smile on to a stranger, let someone go in front of you in line at the store, pick up a piece of trash and just smile while your doing it.

Love you All!!!
Happy Thanksgiving!