I'm sure many of you have seen the movie Office Space which has a cult following by many white collar, "I hate my Job" type folks. Well lately this movie has been my exact life at the office.....

We have an application which has been having alot of performance issues lately, so much so, that it completely crashes and we loose business on the deal. It's been happening since the summer. The problem with the application is that we have a major bottleneck in our database model (I'm sorry for the non IT people out there I'm trying to keep this as generic as possible). What I mean is that we have one particular spot that is used by every piece of the application and it just can't handle it. Imagine putting your entire wardrobe in the laundry machine at once and see what happens - yeah barf!! Well anyway.. I've told everyone what the problem is and talked to different members of our teams about different approaches. One guy in particular is suppose to be the lead on it. But he has his own ideas and a huge ego so he doesn't listen to anyone else.

Earlier in the week it happened again and the application crashed so needless to say everyone starts freaking out and quite frankly I'm tired of it. I was working from home that day so I sent out a mail to everyone reiterating my points about the problems with the application and that we really need to be aggressive about how we approach rectifying the problem. We loose money every time this happens and we also loose credibility with our clients. So I sent the mail.

Yesterday I had three different people tell me that I wasn't being a team player because they didn't like the sound of my email.... The blood has risen to my brain and I thought it was going to burst out my ears. I've put up with so much crap at this job. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. That I was not being a team player! How about all the men there who can't handle a technical and aggressive woman. Who's ego's are so big that they look down at my suggestions despite the fact that I am 100% confident in my diagnosis of the issue. I guess I am just disgruntled at this point.

I used to be the one who had to plan everything for the group - any outings they put on me to plan (I guess since I am the only gal) . I never really minded, not until I had my son. I was up for a position as the Technical Team lead and you guessed it they gave it to a guy and an outsider to the company. To boot he is a buffoon. He doesn't know how to manage, he doesn't work and his bonus is based off the work I perform. I'm just totally feeling like I need to have been born with something between my legs to succeed in this industry anymore. I flat out asked my boss who hired this guy why he didn't give me the job and he said the timing wasn't right for me. You guys interpret that as you well!

I've been honest with my old boss who hired this guy and told him my issues. I tried to give the new guy a chance but he doesn't follow our procedures, he takes credit for other peoples work, and we have no idea what he is working on. In our team meetings he asks all about the work each of us is doing but never says what he is doing and when you ask him he says he's been in meetings all day. Crap, crap, crap.
It's been a year and a half now since he started I'm afraid to think what will happen to me there if I have another Baby. Maybe I will just get a demotion next time. I want to leave, I really do, I don't think the money is worth the stress it's putting on me anymore but my husband makes only half what I do. We could probably do it on his salary but it's gonna but alot of financial stress on us which we don't have right now. I'm just emotionally a wreck instead. Is it worth it? Is it worth it...................................................