Have you ever felt so out of place even in your own setting? I've mentioned before that I work with all men and last night one of my friends had a 1st birthday party for his son. I debated whether or not to go because of everything with my husband and also because the party was at 6:30. I was nervous to keep Nicholas up that late. He usually goes down by 7:30 and of course he didn't take a nap yesterday. But I decided it would be good for me to get out and Joel told me to go have some fun. So off we went. Now everyone I work with is of a different culture then I am. So I kinda felt a little bit out of place which is strange because I don't usually feel like that at work. I was the only caucasion at the party. Well me and Nick that is. So most people had spouses there to help manage the kids and there was lots of kids. Nicholas was loving watching them all run around and he did some running and stumbling himself. Most of the women new each other already and I knew some but still I feel like I don't really fit in with them. Then I felt like the guys from work wouldn't talk to me. I don't really think that it's  but I was so busy with Nick chasing him around and making sure he wouldn't get into trouble that maybe the time just flew and there was alot of people that maybe everyone was just busy chatting. I was the first one to leave at 9:15. But I knew it was going to be 10pm before I would get nick into bed so I just had to go.

I don't know if I make any sense. I guess it's just hard to describe how insanely out of place I felt. I actually felt a built depressed about it. I never felt like this before the baby. I always felt in total control at work and dominant too. I think something changed when I had Nick and I guess I am just trying to be able to manage a career and mother is taking it's toll.