So I have been working on weening Nicholas because I really feel I need to get my body back despite the mixed emotion and the guilt I am feeling. So I have stopped the before the nap nursing and it took about four days and then it was fine. I'll rock him before his nap. On the days I'm in the office his grandma or my sister would rock him.

Tonight was the first night I didn't nurse him. I've been slowly reducing the time each night. I should have just done this earlier while hubby was in the hospital since there were several nights that I didn't get to nurse him while I was with Joel but I think with the emotion of everything I just couldn't do it. I was so stressed out with everything. I"m surprised the milk didn't stop. But anyway tonight Nicholas pushed on me and cried and kept trying to change positions on my lap as I tried to rock him. But finally he gave in and nestled his head into my shoulder and I sang and rubbed his back till he drifted off. So I think thats it, each night will probably get easier from this point. It means I just have morning nursing time left. I've decided to do this one last because it is the largest. I know he's getting alot of milk at this time but I will probably wait a week till I start to fade this nursing out.

I just keep telling myslef I did good. He's 14 months old. It's time.